The Re-Build- By Bekah Townsend

Balance is something I have struggled with for a while.
For the last 5 years I have constantly felt like I was coming up short in one area or another. Whether it was work or at home I saw myself as under performing and not meeting my goals.
Then the light bulb finally turned on and that ANNOYING old saying- you can have it all, was finally seen for what it was… A LIE! At least for my situation.
In October of 2016 I left my corporate job. I needed to dis mental my life and rebuild. The system I was working in was broken.
I realized the problem was most of my career goals were established prior to having kids. Additionally when I had my kids I immediately had a whole other host of goals relating to my family.
The pre kids map I designed for myself no longer fit with my lifestyle. I also unfortunately was unwilling to do this that I was willing to do prior to having kids.
For example in my career field finding corporate success requires a lot of physical time away from the home. This model was not working with my family dynamic.
I had new constraints to contend with. I had to leave work at reasonable hour. I was slowly watching my career goals slipping from my fingers. I was also feeling extremely jealous of my colleagues who were able to put in the extra hours get the promotions and reach the goals I had set for myself.
In the same breath working Saturdays and Sundays in order to keep with my colleagues I was quickly seeing my family goals slip away.  This was the system I was working in everyday. So I quit. I quit the broken down, busted system.
The re build is currently in process. Working is essential to my balance and so I have started my own company were I don’t have the competitive pressure of keeping up with my colleagues. However there has been a grieving type processing for the corporate executive life I thought I wanted at one point.
I also spend much more time with my family now which has made me really happy. And surprising has mostly gotten rid of the underperforming feeling at home.
I still feel like I need a lot of work to get to the right balance with my career. In other words I would like to work more. But I know that balance is going to come and I have gotten more patient and zen with that. Rebuilding my career in a new way, as an entrepreneur is going take time. So I am not standing in the perfect tree pose right now but I am hoping to get there.

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